I moved to Los Angeles at the ripe age of 19 to attend Los Angeles Trade Tech as a fashion design major. I moved to an area of Los Angeles called Atwater. I had no car. For those of you who are unfamiliar with LA public transportation...not so good. And not so safe. I got a job at the Broadway in downtown Los Angeles-don't remember the exact location but it was within walking distance to the Bonaventure Hotel (where I spent a small portion of my adolescence attending Beatle conventions). I was in the fashion accessories department where I sold fake jewelry to women who would buy the stuff for a party and return it the next day. So I worked at the Broadway (don’t know if they exist anymore but it was a big department store like Macys) and I was attending LATT. I was a big Madonna fan at the time and I had fantasies of designing her clothes (if you're going to dream..why not dream big?).
The fashion program was not easy at LATT. The director of the program was Sharon Tate (yes, that was her name!) who I remember as being very stylish-one time she walked into my sewing class dressed in a long leather black skirt, red shirt and black leather jacket. My schedule was pretty intense: I had sewing from 7am-11am M-Thursday and a history of costume twice a week. Imagine getting up at 5:30am every morning and walking in the dark to the bus stop. Not so fun and once again not so safe. I remember walking home from the bus stop at night after work and cars stopping, yelling and making obscene gestures to me and also stopping to see if I wanted a ride. It wasn't the greatest experience for me. I was sick to my stomach all the time-nausea and heartburn (I'm convinced now I had some type of ulcer). I hated my job at the Broadway where I think I ruined my feet from standing all day.
However, I remember the good times (I don't like to remember the bad times). I particularly remember going to Venice Beach, walking in the stores, being with all the crazy people. I also remember meeting a woman at the Broadway who was selling perfume and pursuing a career as an actress. Her name was Teresa. She was 26 and beautiful. Being 19, I was so in awe of her. I remember going to see her at the Broadway on my days off (!) and eating cookies with her on her lunch break. I was so flattered that she wanted to be my friend (of course, once she found out I didn’t have a car I think she lost interest). I wonder if she ever made it as an actress…
Here is the irony...When I was at LA trade Tech all of us young aspiring fashion designers talked about going to the Fashion Institute of Technology (FIT) in New York City for our BA. It seemed like such a magical place-New York City; and Calvin Klein went to FIT. I eventually dropped out of LATT. For many years after that I couldn't look at a fashion magazine or even consider using my sewing machine.
Sometime during my mid-20s, I started regretting dropping out of fashion school (I also dropped out of UC Berkeley too but that I don't regret so much-well, maybe a little). In 2004, I was at a conference for my job (I was working for a local nonprofit). Sitting at our table at dinner was a woman whose daughter was attending Parsons in NYC as a fashion design major. I felt myself getting so jealous and wanted so very much for that to be me. But I never ever considered going back to the whole fashion design thing. I thought my time had passed for that.
My first trip to NYC in 2001 started changing my thinking. I fell in love with the place from the minute I looked out the window of the plane and saw this beautiful, magical island of lights. This was in November of 2001 so NYC was still very raw by 9/11. I loved every minute of it-the millions of people on the street, the noise, the cabs, Broadway, street vendors, subways...The second time I visiting NYC in 2004, I started to really see all the struggling artists, young and old, trying to make it-pursuing their dream. Some of them might never reach that goal but they will die trying.
I was at the Lower East Side Tenement Museum one day and our tour guide had us in front of one of the buildings giving us the history of the tenement housing when a woman walked by and the following conversation took place:
Woman: Hey, (addressing tour/docent) didn’t you audition for me?
Docent: Yes, I did...
Woman: Well, keep trying...
For some reason this short conversation had a profound effect on me. This docent guy looked like he was barely getting by and he looked kind of sad about not getting the part of whatever he was auditioning for. But I knew he was going to keep trying no matter how many times they rejected him at auditions. This was his passion.
I decided to rethink the whole fashion thing in 2004 and now three years later...I am attending FIT-the school I once imagined myself going to many years ago. I'm in classes with 18-year-olds (all of them thought I was 20-which is very flattering. What can I say...I look very young!). It's hard and in some ways, more challenging than it was in Los Angeles. I take things more seriously now-if I screw up now I honestly feel that this will be my last chance to screw up. And then it’s back to the nonprofit world for me…
New York City probably has the best public transportation in the country. But it's a tough city and not very forgiving. I've heard one person say that NYC being tough-that is part of its charm. I've also heard that the idea of living in NYC is a lot better than the actual living in NYC!
I learned a lot about myself in Los Angeles..One negative trait I might have developed during that time is keeping things to myself and not opening up to the bad or good things that are personally effecting me everyday. I will learn more about myself during this time in NYC as well. I just wish all these lessons were a little less painful to endure.
People are afraid to pursue what they really want out of life and I know I have to give myself credit for doing what I'm doing. I'm afraid everyday. The only way to get over that fear is to face it.
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